Vaginismus: Sex, love & the unwanted guest

Unrealistic fairy tales of love in rom-coms depict sex as being natural for all. Yet, for women living with vaginismus, it can be more complex than just a romantic thrill. This is a painful condition in which the vaginal muscles spasm and contract when responding to physical contact or pressure.

Aaliyah Harris investigates the need for access to vaginismus awareness, education and support from public health services.

Photo by Taras Chernus on Unsplash

“At 16, I tried to use a tampon, but I couldn’t. At 17, when I got my first serious relationship and we tried penetrative sex, it wouldn’t work,” says Lisa Mackenzie, co-founder of the Vaginismus Network.

The network aims to build a community, raise recognition, remove the stigma attached to vaginismus and provide honest information about it.

A Tight Vagina Doesn’t Mean Good Sex

Women experiencing discomfort during sex isn’t new and the myth that a tight vagina means better sex needs to be addressed. MacKenzie says: “We were fed the line that ‘the first time will hurt and it's normal’… it shouldn’t”.

According to NHS advice, pain during sex may be related to illness, infection, a physical or a psychological problem. BJOG: An International Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology conducted a survey involving 6669 British women aged 16-74. Results published in 2017 show that 7.5% of women in Britain reported finding sex painful, an equivalent to 1 in 13 women in the UK.

Vaginismus isn’t just ‘all in your head’

The NHS says vaginismus can be caused “by a fear that your vagina is too small, a bad sexual experience, an unpleasant medical examination, a belief that sex is shameful or wrong or a painful medical condition such as thrush”.

Amy Crowther is a trainee chef from Cheshire and a member of the Vaginismus Network who was diagnosed with vaginismus in 2018. She says: “Having a close relationship to anxiety, I was a bit nervous at school and at 23 I started to get panic attacks.”

The full version of this article is available in Sorry Not Sorry's new issue out now.